When it Rains....

This is a depressing post. If you are taking Prozac, you might want to skip it.

I couldn't find the words to say. I looked up sites to find a pretty poem, but nothing seems to fit. There's no way you can describe a mother's place in your heart. No sweet poem about lollipops or home-made pies can really do your mother justice. Your mother is your biggest fan. She's the "only one who really loves you" - my mother once told me that. I do believe a mother's love is different than most all others. Sometimes you'll find the same kind of love from your dad as well - I know my husband's dad loves him like my mom loves me. Regardless of our parents' humanity and mistakes, we all know deep down that we will miss them above all others on earth once they are gone.

I think deep down, mothers have a tiny piece of God's heart inside them... knowing the anguish of holding a life in their hands and having to let it go. I think it's why we cry when we realize the baby in the bassinet won't ever kick inside our belly again... and we cry when we can't remember the last time we picked up our nine year old and carried them when they were sleepy. We sob when we realize that our teenager won't ever sit in our lap again like they used to do during movies.

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." - Tenneva Jordan

I received some bad news from my mom tonight. My mother told me she's been having headaches for five days now... and that she went to the eye doctor (she has diabetic retinopathy) again. He told her she has cataracts in both of her eyes and needed surgery again in them... but that her headache and eyelid problem in one of her eyes could possibly be a degenerative condition that wouldn't get better due to her diabetes (only worsen), or that she may have an aneurism. She is going to have to go see another doctor soon... for more tests. I've been really worried now about her for a long time. She went completely blind in 2003, and lived with us for a while. After they did surgery on her eyes, her eyesight was restored... but her eyes are not as good as they once were, and she has been living in fear that she would loose her sight again.

I have heard it said that bad news comes in "threes". Well, in my case today, that would be true. My son came down with a sore throat today (a week before our medical insurance goes into effect), and my husband's step-mom lost her father. It is hard to live so far away from family who need you to be there. Please keep our family in your prayers. I know God holds us all in His capable hands and all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). I just need to keep my head in my Bible and my knees on the ground - keeping a thankful heart and waiting on Him for answers.

Psalm 23:4 - Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.


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