April 03, 2007

Lord of the Rings and Fertilization Lessons for a Ten Year Old

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Kaden: "Is pollen like fertilizer, Mommy?"

Me: "Well, no." I envision the kind of fertilizer you put on the dirt... like Miracle Grow. I'm not sure if that is what he means, but then I think it through a little more... "Remember the talk we had about eggs and sperm?"

Kaden: "Yeah"...he makes a grimace. "Gross!" he adds.

Me: I grin. "Well, the sperm is the fertilizer of the egg. So I guess tree pollen is like tree sperm. It fertilizes the seeds so they can grow trees." [I walked right in to this one like the dimwit that I am. Is there such a thing as "too much honesty" with a ten year old? If so, I think I have the award for it - hands down.]
Silence. Kaden looks out the window at the yellow oak-dust on everything.

Me: "Floating tree sperm." I mutter out loud in retrospect, watching him look out the window.

Kaden: "I don't want to have sex with a tree." [Oh, yes. he. did. He said it. Just like that! I promise I don't make this stuff up just to have blog material.]
Me: Laughing...

Kaden: "What would the babies look like?"

Me: Regaining my composure enough to talk... "Tree boys, I guess." I laugh some more.

Kaden: "Yeah! Like Ents on Lord of the Rings!"

Wondering what an Ent is, I ask him to spell it. He reminds me of 'Treebeard' on the movie. I get a mental image and nod, still smiling (laughing on the inside). I am glad to move the conversation into shallow water.

Me: "Then I guess the tree boys could help you fight the battle for Middle Earth and carry you to Mordor to fight Orcs."

He smiles - finally his mom is catching on to the Lord of the Rings bug that has infected the rest of the family. There may be hope for her yet, he thinks.


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8 comments:

Dreama said...

Cute, Cute!! Floating tree sperm??LOL!!

Fiddledeedee (It Coulda' Been Worse) said...

Oh good gravy, we haven't covered this one yet. Frankly, I'm scared. But I sure don't want them to learn the way I did. In the 5th grade. Information given me by my best friend. Along with the truth about Santa. And the information was not really correct. Oh the horrors.

I think you handled this beautifully.

Anonymous said...

Thanks and i feel good that my photo is being used for educational purposes. I am happy about the nice way things presented here (including ©)

--
Engineer J (flickr)

jewlsntexas said...

This is hysterical. I have a 9 yo son and we were in the car once with his two teenage sisters and he started asking some frank questions. Eventually it got in his mind that his parents did THAT and he said, "I can't BELIEVE you and daddy did THAT - I didn't think you were that kind of people!" I almost wrecked the car laughing so hard. Oh and by the way, this was one of our first "Texas" memories!

sara said...

LOL! Cute, SO CUTE. You should keep a notebook for each kid just for quotes such as these, for use as leverage in a few yrs ;)

Erin said...

Let me get this straight... YOU were the one that came up with "floating tree sperm"????

Oh my, my.


My 7 year old asked me last week (while we were eating lunch at the food court in the mall), "Mom, what's a zex?"

"Huh?"

"A zex. The Old Testament has a part where it talks about the punishment for having a zex with an animal."

"Um, it DOES?"

"Yeah. So, what's a zex?"

"I don't think I know what a zex is." (And I don't really want to be having this conversation in the food court!) "When we get home you can show me the part of the Bible you're thinking of."

"Ok, I have it bookmarked. It's my favorite passage."

OH MY, MY.

blue thistle books said...

Oh that is too funny! I don't know that I would have been able to hold my composure at all! Thanks for the laugh!

Blessings,
Hallie
mycrazylife

Sprittibee said...

Sorry that I haven't been responding to all the comments lately. I've been a little overwhelmed with all the details that go in to keeping the nominations for the HSBAwards running, enjoying two days off with my husband this week, dying easter eggs, getting an interview up with SG, and cleaning up the disaster that is my house after two days goofing off. I have egg dye all over my life. Thanks for your comments, however. They are so fun to read. I always am sad if I don't see anyone's comments after I post. Thanks for making it not lonely in here! ;) It keeps me coming back to post again! ;)

 

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