The Viking in my Ribs and Other Pathetic Complaints

I have to apologize for neglecting the blog more than usual lately. I promise that I do have an excuse. Or a list of them. Which I feel guilty about listing because I'm so happy and thrilled to be having this baby.

However... the difficulties that have been preventing blogging are spilling over in to my regular life as well. It's nothing personal. Really.

It seems that no garment fits - can't wear the maternity jeans because they are cutting off my belly's circulation where the denim starts. I guess I'll be back at the thrift store looking for moo-moo dresses that fit like a table cloth soon.

I can't stand or sit for long because the baby is so high up that I have barely enough lung space for us both. I feel like I'm going to pass out at the top of the stairs and have to sit after just walking across the room. I find myself gasping for air now and then and taking in sharp breaths as if I had been swimming under water. I now know why pregnant women truly NEED those handicap parking spaces at the grocery store (heaven forbid that they have to go grocery shop anyway - please give them a break!).

The baby may very well squirt out of my aching navel if I get any bigger. Not sure the thing is going to hold through this third pregnancy stretch. Fabric and even air are hurting it lately. Not good when I'm looking down the pipe at another 2 months if I go to term. The 20 lbs I've gained so far feels more like 200. And I don't care if you think I look 'great'. I feel like a 12 ton whale.

My stomach is being used as a sleeping bag. This means that I'm eating mostly Mylanta lately - and if I eat anything else (which I do - because I'm HUNGRY), I get to re-taste it as it comes back up my throat later. I cooked dinner for the family tonight - burgers, beans, and rice... and then sat down with them and had a small yogurt cup with granola while I watched them eat it without me. And still got acid reflux.

Have I mentioned that the baby is protruding appendages out of my rib cage and trying to pop my sternum off from the inside? I don't know if you've ever had a viking helmet sticking out of your ribs, but it is completely uncomfortable in the most alien of ways. Between my navel, the rib game, the pressure on my sternum and the endless heartburn, I sometimes wish I was married to an anesthesiologist. I would be begging him to go ahead and start my drip NOW.

That isn't even the entire list of physical discomforts. You don't want me going on all night. Some of them are not blog material, either - and that's all I'm sayin'. What a cruel joke that you can't take medication when you need hard-core narcotics and tranquilizers the most. I'm realizing that I'm a pain and discomfort wimp. Man, I feel sorry for people who live with chronic pain!

While suffering joyfully through these minor trails, I am also keenly aware that time is slipping away. The baby room is not painted, the garage is not finished, the cat box is still too close to the nursery, the crib is not HERE or set up, and the baby shower (which hasn't happened) items are not washed and neatly tucked away. Deep cleaning and nesting? Haven't even started. I become more and more useless by the second.

Since I'm unable to find much to think or talk about that does not relate to body aches, my digestive and respiratory system, and the upcoming delivery of my little tormentor... I have avoided sitting down to blog when there's nothing productive to say. Aren't you thankful? I mean, who wants to hear about someone's lunch coming back up? Sorry about that Sonic story the other day....

I hope you'll understand if there are gaps between days in here for the time being... because keeping the family functional is a monumental task these days. Thankfully, homeschooling is easier to do than blogging in a horizontal position with a 10 and 12 year old who are getting better at independent study. At least some things are still happening without major interference.

Not sure how I'm going to get to all my errands and the kids' classes on Tuesdays for the next two months (the seat keeps getting put back farther and father in the lying back position each time I drive)... but I'm sure God will work it out.

Some of us will be more glad than others when this little dude makes his debut in to the world. His mama is going to throw a party the first time she can take a full breath with both lungs again.


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