November 15, 2007

Email Funnies: Words Women Use

*They* say that you should not post when you have 'blog block' because it decreases your chances of keeping your content excellent. I'm not sure my content ever reaches the excellent point, so I don't know that this rule pertains to me anyway. However, I got a funny email yesterday (that I've gotten at least three or four other times in the past decade or so)... and I wanted to share (partially because I have nothing better to say, and partially because I enjoyed it and hope you will to). I altered the content a bit - because I like doing that sort of thing on funny emails. This post might be helpful to those of you who don't have email and are living in the dark ages. But then, you wouldn't be surfing the internet to read blogs, then, would you? Oh, well... enjoy today's fluff (hopefully excellent original content will come in the future):

Words Women Use

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Don't be mad about this, it is just the same 5 minutes you use when it's your turn to help do things around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see #1).

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. You are stupid if you do it.

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing . (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome. That is however, unless she says it with sarcasm in her voice. And then it means "You really blew it this time, buddy."

8.) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying she's done talking with you because she thinks your head is as solid as the rock on her finger (but not worth half as much).

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong" - for the woman's response refer to #3.

Tell this to the men you know to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. Tell this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, 'cause they know its true!

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Linda said...

I LOVE this one!!! I could hear myself saying each and everyone of those to my poor husband!! Each one made me laugh harder! Thanks!

Bunny Trails said...

Those are funny. I guess it's a day for fluff, cause that's all that happened at my place tonight. Just a little dab of creativity on my part. Tee hee! :D

Hope your head's clearing out!

Jesse Dyer said...

Phrases Men Use:

FINE : What men say when they have completely forgotten what it was you're arguing about, mildly suspect themselves to be at fault, and want to end the discussion before they are proven to be at fault.

IN A LITTLE WHILE : This is a euphamism meaning "Roughly the same time that the Devil needs skis.."

NOTHING: If spoken with a mild tone, this actually means nothing. If spoken with a stern tone, it means "I really just don't wanna talk about it."

GO AHEAD: This is what men say in answer to whatever the woman asked that the man wasn't listening to.

LOUD SIGH: A sound emitted by a man who is seconds away from admitting fault.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT: Man speak, properly translated as "Don't worry about it.. I won't.."

YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY: The man's only logical outcome of any given argument; the age of a man can be determined as an inversion of the time taken to reach this statement.

Great post!

Anonymous said...

LOL My those are funny. Haha, and very true!


Sisterlisa said...

snort* that is perfect! Our Asst Pastor read some little ditty about women like this and his wife asked me to find something on the men, she'll love this!

Heather said...

Linda - Mee too! :)

Bunny - Fluff is great. Especially on the tail end of a rabbit... and a kitty belly!

Jesse - Thanks for adding the man part! :) Love it!

Jocelyn - ;) Thanks for stopping in sweetie!

Sisterlisa - I absolutely love the snort. ;) Glad to share a laugh with you.



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