June 18, 2005

Landinvitations of the Seller

Update: 11-22-09... This post was inspired by the book of Lamentations in the Bible. It's a bible-ish spoof on the woes of trying to sell a house while you are already practically living in another city (while the bank account dwindles). I wrote it in 2005 while we were trying to sell our home for 8 months before we moved out of state. What a trip down memory lane! The great thing is - it's over... and we learned some hard lessons through this trail. If you are sitting on some real-estate that just isn't moving, and your funds seem to be leaking out of a hole in your pocket, TAKE HEART! God knows your troubles and He is in control. One day you'll be on the other side of this thing, looking back.

Landinvitations of the Seller

1 Oh, how deserted lay my house from Realtor traffic
once so full of Clients wishing to purchase a home
How like a widow is she, causing bills to mount up from the east and west
and yet, unable to pay them, she ensnares us into slavery.
Lo, half of the year has past and the market is weak.
The fruit of my loins are faint for cleaning their rooms
in fear of the wrath of their mother if yet a Realtor calls.
We miss the pungent smell of air freshener -
Oh, that we could feel again the rush and panic
at the sound of a key in the lock box or the doorbell ringing.

2 Bitterly we weep at night
tears are upon our cheeks from fretting over the market.
Anxiety overwhelms us and we call our Realtor in panic.
He tries unable to console us to cease our weeping.
There is no one to comfort us.
All the buyers are away on vacation,
or held off by the wickedness of traffic.
Helps us, O LORD, for our major intersection
is down to one lane and there is not one
who would brave the traffic for a showing.

3. After all of my husband's harsh labor,
He must go into exhile by way of his truck;
to cross the nation by automobile many hundreds of miles.
It takes him a times, a times and a half times to reach his resting place.
His gas card exceeds it's limits and there is much distress.
And to heap burning coals on my head, alas,
my cell phone has no signal to call out to him.

4. Along the road we mourn and speed - sinning against you.
During the weeks of seperation we lament and watch too much TV
for we must eat alone and all of it must be fast food.
In our house there is the smell of frozen fishsticks.
It is so hard to to cook for only one adult and two children.
The children's groans for greasy food rings in my ears day and night.
There is bitter anguish at the cost of my husband
eating every meal out in exhile. The grease makes us fat before you.

5. We groan and complain day and night
we search for bread in the church pantry
our credit cards sweep down to destroy us through the mail.
We borrow to keep ourselves alive. There is no one left
that has not loaned us something we must repay.
"Look, LORD, and consider our plight,
for we are forced to commute between two cities
and we faint from the numbers on our bills all the day long."

6. "Is it nothing to you, all who pass by?
Look again at the flyer in front of our dwelling."
Come and buy our house while the grass is yet green, and
summer has not devoured it's life.
Is any house like my house? It is so lovely in stature.
We are at least ten thousand shillings below market value
and we overflow with square footage and bedrooms!
Look, I spread a net for your feet. Turn back -
my eyes overflow with tears... will thou just make a bid?

7. I have called my realtor to lower the price
Three times I have lowered it and yet you look on.
Look there at the carpet - I have vacuumed three times!
"See, LORD, how distressed I am! I am in torment
within, and in my heart I am disturbed."
Is there not one buyer in this city to release me?
My soul is downcast within me. My grass grows high.

8. I thrust forth new flyers into the yard sign with vigor.
I search out the MLS and my competition seeks to distroy me.
But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love
we are not consumed by escrow shortage,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is His faithfulness.
9. I say to myself, "The LORD is the Great Realtor;
therefore I will wait for him."
Restore us, O LORD, and send us a buyer -
fill our house with the clients of realtors.
Keep our gas card and bank account from the pit.
Oh, that we would be moved this summer.
O, LORD, do not forsake your Sellers so long.


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Unknown said...

Oh if only I wasn't going through the same thing right now! LOL At first I was laughing, but then I realized just how close to home this was hitting! Great job with the re-writing.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE THIS POST!!! Do you know what that one post of your's that has the lines to the song "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens is?

Anonymous said...

I can so relate to this! We have two houses on the market that we desperately need to sell...and no bites!
The fact that this is a previous post gives me hope that you did indeed finally sell...and that God did indeed respond to your landinvitations! :)



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